


Sweet Creature

by Zelenina



Series: Borderlines [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Getting Together, M/M, mentions of:, they’re still oblivious idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zelenina/pseuds/Zelenina
Summary: His hands are on Louis’ waist, the warm skin underneath his fingertips burns. He can’t resist and grabs onto him, the Louis that iskissing him, and feels his fingers mould into the skin of his waist too vigorously. He hears Louis inhaling sharply and before he can apologize, Louis does this moaning growling noise and pushes Harry into the closed door. It’s the impact of the push that turns Harry’s knees into jelly. Yup.They finally talk. Or they try to.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Borderlines [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592929
Comments: 10
Kudos: 102





	Sweet Creature

**Author's Note:**

> The second part of a series. I recommend to read the first part, this basically starts where the first one ends.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and any encouraging comments you might leave! <3
> 
> (edited 15/9/2020, small grammatical changes)

Harry felt like his limbs were not his own, he felt the vibrations of his own body through the hold Louis had on him. Or was Louis the one shaking? It was just a kiss. It felt like the most intimate thing in the universe.

His hands are on Louis’ waist, the warm skin underneath his fingertips burns. He can’t resist and grabs onto him, the Louis that is _kissing him_ , and feels his fingers mould into the skin of the waist - he longed to but wasn't allowed to touch _for years_ \- too vigorously. He hears Louis inhaling sharply and before he can apologize, Louis does this moaning growling noise and pushes Harry into the closed door. It’s the impact of the push that turns Harry’s knees into jelly. Yup.

In his slumped state, Louis is the same height and oh. _Oh_. One hand in Harry’s hair, the other pushing his now useless body into the firm door, he maneuveres Harry’s head so he can place him in a way he wishes and Harry turns into a putti in his hands. He can just blink and watch the warm shadows the night lamps are casting across the room. Louis does something with his tongue, something _very_ purposeful and Harry didn’t think he could feel any more out of it, but. His throat makes an involuntary high-pitched whining sound and for a second he is mortified, until Louis presses his body to his – there was no room between them since Harry’s back connected to the door, yet Louis found a way to press into Harry’s body with what feels like every single molecule of his body. For a moment, Harry is reminded of a cat that manages to fit itself into every shape it needs, whether it’s a drinking glass or a narrow path behind the shelf. What is his brain??

Louis must have noticed he has no longer Harry’s full attention, and when he starts to pull away, he manages it for all of one second before Harry grabs his shoulder and with his other hand still on his waist, swiftly turns them around. Louis just blinks with surprise on the impact and then watches Harry with dark eyes. Neither of them moves and Harry uses the few moments to assess the situation. Need to take a breath – check. Manage to not look down if Louis is hard – check. Realize you yourself are hard – oh shit. His bulging eyes must betray something because now Louis is smiling at him softly while brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. But this type of fond smiles has no room in hot sessions like this! Harry is supposed to be aloof and sexy and attractive, yet Louis is looking at him like he is still sixteen and announced to the whole world they should buy comfy onesies. Yes, he looks a bit pink in the cheeks (he dares to look at his collarbones – abort abort!! – and yes, it looks like the blush is spread all over that glorious skin _what is his life_ ) and he definitely is breathing a bit heavily, but he is smiling and Harry feels warm all over.

“Hazza, I-“ Louis says and even in the words he can hear that smile. And then he has Louis in his arms, he just sprung on him, arms around his waist gripping him so tightly he has now problems to breathe because of completely physical reasons. Louis' head is buried in his neck though, so. If he were to pass out like this, what a way to go. He grabs Louis even more tightly and just breathes him in.

“Hazza, are you…?” Louis extricates himself a bit and because they are still very much glued to each other, at least waist down, and with a small complication manages to put a hand to Harry’s cheek. “Don’t cry, Haz.”

Harry buries his head in Louis neck again and only hurts Louis’ hand a bit in the process.

“It’s happy tears. Leave me be.” He pouts into the warm skin and feels the goosebumps in their wake.

“Never.”

Harry physically can’t make himself stop the smile that erupts on his face. His lips brush a soft spot and he feels more than hears Louis’ reaction.

“We should talk, probably.” Sharp inhale when Harry starts exploring with the tip of his tongue. “We have a lot. To. Catch on.” Full on shiver. “You know. Or something.”

“Mmm. Sure. You taste sweet.”

“Harold!” Louis whisper-screams and if he wore a pearl necklace, Harry thinks he would be clutching it. Oh my god, he could lend him his necklace. Give it to him. Save that thought. Reboot.

Now Harry pouts full on in Louis’ face. “What?” And he was doing so well, almost managed to think more clearly, ready to take care of Louis like he deserves, make him lose his mind. He should be good at that. He _is_ good at that. Well, he was told he was good at that.

They still hold each other but the grabby hands are more exploratory and caressing now. Harry can’t admit to Louis it’s turning him even more now, that would be counterproductive. But he can see the resolved stare that Louis is pinning him down with. So, he takes his hands of him, knows he couldn’t think properly if they were touching each other in any shape or form.

“Let’s sit, yeah?” says Louis and goes to the bed and scoots back, so he is resting against the headboard. Then pats the place next to him for Harry to sit at. Harry is very aware of Louis’ eyes on him. He blushes because while the stare is very recognisable and he has seen it many times over the years in short glimpses, now he has time to process and recognize the intent in it – the downright hunger and filth in it. Once upon he maybe _hoped_ , but never _knew_. He can’t seem to get rid of his blush, can feel the warmth on his cheeks. It’s too much. He carefully sits down and looks around the room. His hands lay uselessly near him so he puts them in his lap and starts playing with his rings. What is it about Louis that always unsettles him so?

He clears his throat. Laughs. “Well, this is awkward.” Dares a look at Louis. Smiles, or at least hopes it looks like a smile. Louis watches him, contemplating.

“Is it?” He asks.

Harry just stares at him. He never felt more out of his depth.

“Um, well. I’m confused? I don’t want this to be weird. But I don’t know how to… Proceed?” He makes a strange gesture with his hands that is supposed to elaborate clearly that he means this whole situation between them. When he notices he resembles a slightly deranged windmill, he forces his hands to drop.

Louis crosses his legs and turns slightly to him. “I know but we’re adults. And, honestly, Hazza, we need to talk because I feel like me head’s gonna burst.” He smiles and blushes, looks at one of his knees. “I want to be sappy now, like so sappy it’s gonna be disgusting.” He narrows his eyes at Harry. “ I swear to god, but if you make fun of me later, I’ll shave your head off.”

Harry gulps. “Ok.”

“Ok.” They stare at each other.

“So. I’m ready for the sappiness. Any time.”

“You little shit.” But Harry can see the sparks in those blue eyes. Harry laughs. He is so happy. He feels like he weighs nothing. Maybe he should expect the other shoe to drop. Or something. The only thing that could make him feel his body fully, would be if Louis touched him in any way. He can’t help but press his thumb into his lower lip. It’s so tender; he could still feel the phantom of The Kiss. He looks at the reason behind that mauled lip and sees the hungry eyes again, this time fully concentrated on the moving thumb on his mouth. He can’t resist. Out of curiosity he slightly opens his lips and licks the lower one very slowly. He uses another finger to play with it. He doesn’t think Louis blinked once the whole time. When Harry uses his tongue to touch the tip of his thumb, Louis exhales loudly. When he finally looks him in the eye, Harry’s heart stops. This is how he dies.

He drops his hand. He never felt more unsettled, yet in power. He wants more of that, wants to explore where he could go. How far he could push Louis. If he were to lick his fingers properly, or if he were to _suck_ on the thumb-

“I really think we should talk.” Every Louis’ word is precise, articulated. The only thing that betrays his not so stoic behaviour is the way his voice drops and is now low and almost growly. All those years ago, Harry was so embarassed when Louis got him squirming and excusing himself from rooms just because Louis used this tone. He thought his best mate just didn't realise what he was doing to him, that he was only joking. But maybe he _tried_ to make him squirm. Harry gulps. “Let me make this very clear: I don’t _want_ to talk right now.” His eyes drop to Harry’s slightly agape mouth and then to his eyes again, making sure Harry understands him, “but we definitely should. I don’t want there be any confusion when I get my hands on you and make you come repeatedly. Got it?” Harry feels like his breath was punched out of him. Again. Probably for the first time in his life he is glad he brings his inhaler with him wherever he goes.

“Yes.” He whispers. Clears his throat. “Yes, gotcha.” Tries to smile but he’s sure it looks wobbly – at least it resembles his insides accurately. He crosses his legs. His dick didn’t get the memo that this is a grown-up conversation. Or, it did, but interpreted the grown-up part too literally.

Louis takes a moment and moves his head around and shakes his shoulders a bit as if he prepares for a fight in a boxing ring. Harry would laugh if he wasn’t feeling the same.

“Honestly, I don’t know how we should do this.” Louis starts, “Any ideas?” Harry feels that the question isn’t particularly fair; this wasn’t his idea after all.

“Umm, a drinking game?” With questioning eyes on him, he feels prompted to add, “You know, we talk and with every information we don’t want to share or we lied about in the past, we have a shot...?” Even as he trailed the end of his half-formed thought, he knows it's bollocks.

“No.” was Louis’ unsurprising reaction. “We can’t be pissed for this.” He nipps at his lip and then adds softly, “Not today at least.” Looking straight at Harry continues with: “I would like that drinking game sometime later though. We can add stripping rules to it as well." He’s blushing profusely now but tries to appear nonchalant and very sure of himself. Harry bites on his lip and very inconspicuously, thank you, puts his hands under his thighs lest he throws himself on the love of his life. Or something.

How can he survive this honest conversation, when they haven’t even started and he is a mess already?

Louis takes the reins of the talk again, thank god. “But a game is a good idea. How about we ask each other a question one at a time and we’ll be as honest as possible?” He looks at Harry hopefully. He thinks it’s a great idea, however, he feels like he should emphasize something a bit more. “Yeah… But can we… Like, this will sound stupid.” Damn his betraying cheeks.

“No, no, please, I want to know,” Louis smiles at him encouragingly and takes one of his hands in his. Smooths his thumb along Harry’s knuckles. It shouldn’t be sensual and calming at the same time, dammit, something must be terribly wrong with him. It's too much already.

“There’s these book characters who want to be honest with each other so they, um, kind of make a pact that they will talk to each other openly, but afterwards, if they don’t want to talk about it, they can’t use anything that was said in that conversation against them?” Harry sees Louis’ slightly furrowed brows so he blabbers on, “That makes sure they are _completely_ honest with each other, um, without the imposing threat of having to justify their thoughts later? Or something.” He notices Louis’ hand stopped its light movement and looks him in the eyes. Louis looks unsure and almost disappointed.

“You don’t-“ Louis scratches behind his ear with his free hand, and even after all these years Harry recognizes it as his coping mechanism when something unsettles him and he doesn’t know what to do with his arms. “I mean. Whatever you want. I just thought.” He isn’t looking into his eyes anymore and takes his hand slowly from Harry’s. Before Harry can react in any way – most probably by shaking Louis because he is _done_ with being confused today – Louis quietly adds, “I thought this would be something to talk about later. Not just today.” He crosses one of his hands across his torso as if he felt suddenly naked. Harry just stares. For god’s sake.

“For god’s sake, you idiot. I love you. I am in love with you. That means I want this to continue.”

Louis’ eyes are huge as saucers and Harry would laugh at his whole predicament of being in love with an idiot, if he didn’t see how Louis still can’t comprehend the truth of the words. He shakily takes the hand Louis used to clutch his midsection, because he can’t look at him looking so closed off and vulnerable and holds it in both of his. He _needs_ him to understand.

“I just meant we can share anything here, absolutely anything, and it stays between us, yeah? And you can say anything, and I won’t be able to talk about it later, if you wished, if it’s something embarrassing or whatever. I think we have a lot to catch up on and it would be great if we could just talk and not filter everything before we say it?” Louis seems more relaxed, yet Harry needs to see the smile, hear the laugh. “I can start off. Um.” Shit, why can’t he think of something normal, yet embarrassing enough? It’s all of the Louis’ skin in sight. Louis’ eyes are expectant though, so he hurries to explain himself. “This is a lot harder than I thought. I wouldn’t be able to look you in the eye if I say some of the things that, yeah. Um.” It wasn’t exactly these words that were supposed to make Louis laugh, but he’ll take the surprised delighted squeak any time. And it’s inspiring qualities. “I wanked to a compilation video of you laughing.” Harry clasps his hand over his face. It sounded passable when only in his mind but said out loud it’s just urgh. Few seconds tick by and just when he considers moving to Japan, Louis' voice full of mirth resurfaces.

“Oh, do you enjoy a clown porn or the tickling ones? I wouldn’t peg you for the type.” Harry could die. He _will_ die. But then Louis’ hands gently lift his from his face and look at him with something close to the fondness Louis looked at him all those years ago. But now the fondness is in full force, ten times as strong. Or maybe he just finally learned how to interpret the look.

He isn’t prepared when Louis closes the distance and kisses him on the lips. It’s just a peck, but Harry feels on top of the world. What embarrassment? He’ll tell Louis everything if it makes him look like this.

They both stare at each other and blush simultaneously. Harry laughs. “What are we, in kindergarten?”

“I don’t think they share their stories about pulling one off, love.”

“Urgh. You’re horrible.”

“You said we can discuss embarrassing things now! You started it!” He's looking much too delighted. Better than disgusted but still.

“Can we change the topic? I’ll ask you something. It’s your turn to share.”

“Na-ah.” Louis shakes his head. “That’s not fair.” Harry’s eyebrows shoot up.

“What do you mean?”

“You shared something that I didn’t ask about. So, it might’ve been information I wasn’t interested in.”

“Weren’t you?” he asks in flat voice.

“Not the point, Harold!” Yup. Much too delighted.

He knows the moment he utters the words, that he’ll regret this whole honest conversation idea, but he can never resist Louis. The blessing and the curse. “All right. You can properly start. What do you wanna know?”

Louis taps his fingers on his knee in a thoughtful manner. But Harry _knows_ him. I’m gonna ask something that’s very important to me. And I need you to not to omit any details. It’s been bugging me ever since I found out and I really think this whole thing,” he gestures between them, “relies on what you say.” He has his serious face on now and just as Harry starts to think he actually asks something relevant, Louis ends it with: “When and how exactly did you found out that laughing turns you on?”

“Lou!” he whines. He would swap at him but his hands are preoccupied by hiding his face again. He can just stay still and hope Louis laughter dies before his dignity does. But when the laughing stops abruptly, he peeks from under his fingers and dares to look at his – at the moment certainly – mortal enemy.

Louis is just sitting there with his lips tightly locked and eyes crinkling so much his eyes are almost closed. When he sees Harry's watching he mutters through his closed mouth, “I forgot laughter gets you off.”

“Argh! I hate you!” Harry shouts while Louis clutches his stomach hard as tears leak from his eyes.

“'M so sorry! I couldn’t resist” he still laughs but when he sees how mortified Harry is, he slowly clams down. “You know I don’t think it’s weird, right? I mean, I meant it when I said I want to know more about it. Ehm.” Harry carefully studies his face. “I like the idea of you finding me fit in any way. So. Please elaborate.”

Harry thinks about it for a moment. Has to take a second to reassure himself that Louis, _his_ Louis, would never make fun of him for something like this. He sees the darkness in Louis’ eyes and that’s what it takes.

“Um. I sometimes watch fan videos? I mean, watched.”

“No lies, Harold. Your rules.” Harry can still hear the traces of laughter in his voice.

Harry plays with his rings, it’s suddenly very important he keeps his eyes on them. “Well, there was this one, just a compilation of you laughing and smiling and… stuff.”

“Stuff?“

Harry’s cheeks feel even warmer, he didn’t think that was possible.

“Hey. Harry, look at me. Please, love.” Harry squirms but he does and Louis continues, “You know you don’t have to tell me, right? I’m really glad you told me. Very thankful, “ now Louis squirms with something akin a bashful unbelieving look on his face. “But you say the word and I won’t mention it really, ever again.” He grins and Harry feels warm all over for completely different reason. He knows this lovely boy. That he would never really push him into something he didn’t want to truly do. But that’s the thing, he _wants_ to tell him. Doesn’t make it any more horrifying, though.

“No, I’ll tell you. But only If you really want to know. ” He's aware he’s too needy, and would never forgive himself if something like this scared Louis before anything really could happen (that word _anything_ scares _him_ ). Louis sits almost too still and Harry dares to find and touch his hand again, making it feel like it's ok to talk about this. Louis squeezes him reassuringly and Harry takes the plunge.

“Basically, there’s this video of you laughing and it’s just a few minutes of you being, well, you. Like playing with your suspenders and saying some teasing shit.” He blushes again, but that’s his state now, he’s ready to have his last breath serving as a battery somewhere freezing. Mountains in Japan look more and more like the ideal candidate.

“Mmm. Suspenders, so, early days then?”

“Well, yeah. I found the video when I was seventeen, I think.” Louis looks almost unbelieving again and before Harry has a chance to ask him what's the matter, he realises. Ah, Seventeen. Maybe Louis will need a bit more time to really believe when Harry says he liked him from the beginning.

He's quick to collect himself though and asks, “did you, now? Were you looking for videos of us, of the band? Were you at home?” He tries to help him and Harry appreciates it.

“Yeah. Well, the first time I was at home, I was just browsing videos fans made of us. The next couple of times were on the bus and in the hotel room.” He looks at Louis and finds him with open mouth. He backtracks. “I mean! I just watched them then! I wouldn’t wank to them that much! There were better videos of you by then!” There’s a silence and then Harry (behind his tightly shut eyes, obviously) continues: “There’s no chance I didn’t say that, or that you wouldn’t mention that last part, is there?” Still silence.

When he finally opens his eyes, Louis isn’t laughing or even smiling. “It’s very hard to have a mature conversation right now.”

“Um. Sorry?”

“No, you don’t understand. Let’s just take a step back.” And he moves away a bit from Harry. Before he can panic, he says, “It was my brilliant idea to talk, so we should talk. Yes. We should do that.” He almost looks like he talks to himself.

“Haz, ask away. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Within reason, of course.” He smiles his devilish smile. Harry is so happy with a change of topic, he grabs onto his chance and asks what is essentially the reason of the biggest whiplash he had to endure today.

“You obviously don’t have to answer now, Lou, this is too personal. But if you want to – did you always know you weren’t straight? Or, what about your girlfriends? And, like, you have a kid. I’m sorry, I’m a bit – like _a lot_ – confused.” He also feels a bit lied to, if he’s honest. But he’ll never tell that to Louis. It’s the selfish part of him that’ll probably never completely shut up in regards to the boy he loves.

Louis takes his time for a bit and then starts while looking at his legs he now stretches in front of him, “I always knew I wasn’t completely into girls. But there always were some that were interested so I didn’t have to think about it that much.” He looks at Harry and even if he tries to smile, Harry sees the sadness left behind. “I couldn’t be anything but “normal”” – he does the quotes with his fingers, “when I was young, you know that.” When Harry reaches him and tries to reassure him or _something_ , Louis shrugs and quickly adds, “I’m not saying that to be pitied or whatever, I know I am fine now – especially now,” his warm eyes find Harry’s, “but that’s how it was. Mum, she” he slightly clears his throat, “had enough on her plate, it was easier for all of us if I was like every other lad in Donny.” He stops and promptly takes Harry's hand in his. “That’s what I regret the most. I never told her. I mean. I think she knew. She must have.” Harry’s ready to hug the living daylights out of him but he knows it would not be appreciated at the moment. So he stays as still as possible and listens as Louis takes a deep breath and says slightly louder, “Anyway. It didn’t bother me that much when I was younger. But then the X Factor happened and I met all of you. Especially one curly haired monster made an impression.” He smirks as if he knew what it was doing to Harry. “You were lovely, so very sure of yourself even at such a young age.” He adds quietly, looking at their still interlaced hands, “I almost hated you sometimes for it.” He looks at Harry with pleading eyes. “You were like this version of myself, of “what if”, if I could be more myself, be more brave.” Harry can’t make it anymore and hugs Louis. Because of their positions it’s slightly uncomfortable, but it’s the best hug anyway.

“How dare you speak of Louis Tomlinson that way! Wait till he hears you, he’ll put a shaving cream into your toothpaste.” He mutters into his neck.

“Oi! That’s far from the best prank I ever did, I’ll let you know!”

Harry lets him go because he knows a few more moments and there will be tears. Like, a lot of them. And Louis wants to talk.

They hold both hands now, all four of them in a large pile on Louis' knee.

Louis continues with his soft fond smile, “It happened like twice, don’t worry, can’t imagine anyone being immune to the dimples,” and smiles at Harry full on. “You were like this bubble of everything good, everybody gravitated and still gravitates towards you. But you weren’t interested, even if I made not so subtle flirtation attempts,” he stares at Harry. “Why didn’t you react to any of them? If you were interested back then, I mean. I pulled my best moves on you.” Harry just gapes.

“What flirtation attempts?! You made fun of me and then tickled me, laughed at me and then ran somewhere else to find another victim!” Louis is still staring at him. “Lou, tell me you’re joking. And that those were not your attemps to- to seduce me!”

“How was I supposed to know?? I never flirted with a guy before!”

“But you were so tactile with everybody! You sat on Aiden’s lap, you were caressing the other guys-“

“Well, I couldn’t look desperate, could I?”

“What in the-“

“I couldn’t be hanging from you at every moment, if you weren’t interested, which was apparent to me quite early on. I had nothing to work with to make me think you were interested in me,” Louis huffs.

“But I was! Interested!”

“How was I to know when you pranced around naked in front of everyone and were a cheeky shit overall! Had every person tied around your little finger.”

“Louis, that is the most ridiculous-“

“Is it? Can you honestly tell me that you didn’t like the attention? Fans, boys, girls, other contestants… I’m not accusing you or anything, I just want you to understand. Why it was so hard for me to see that I had a shot with you.”

Harry laughs and Louis shifts slightly by the bitter undertones in it.

“I’m pretty sure I was the only one watching the fan videos then.” He sighs and with Louis’ enquiring eyes on him, says, “Me staring at you? I was so embarrassed, the videos were everywhere. I couldn’t help it. So now they’re out there for all of the eternity, the creepy stare I was watching you with all those years ago, especially at the beginning.” Louis shyly smiles.

“I love your creepy stare.” He narrows his eyes. “When it’s pointed at me.” Harry laughs.

“Good. Because now you can’t escape it. It will follow you everywhere like a personal bodyguard.”

Louis’ crinkles by his eyes make an appearance. “That doesn’t make any sense, Harold.”

“It so does! You won’t get rid of me, basically.” He, unsurprisingly, blushes, and continues, “If that’s what you want, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

Harry could fly away with the amount of butterflies that decided to make a nest in his stomach. The only thing keeping him near ground are the two hands holding his.

“So. How could you not? Notice the way I was looking at you? Even if you were the most oblivious pillock in the country- ouch!” Harry took one of his hands and massaged the back of his head where one of Louis’ made its way just a second prior. Another second and their hands are all together again.

“Well I didn’t know! Everyone was making fun of us, remember, the nudge nudge between us “mates” in the band, always when another clip surfaced and every time you laughed it off! Also, I knew I wasn’t impartial! I couldn’t trust my own judgement. I didn’t know if I saw only what I wanted to see.”

“Oh, Lou.”

“Well, I know now. Where were we? This has gotten very out of hand. Oh, yes, the girlfriends.” He looks straight into Harry’s eyes, “Some of the relationships were very much real and some of them not at all. I’m not saying I won’t talk about them ever, but for now, just know, that you were in the forefront of my mind these last past years. I’m not proud of some of the stunts, but I hope you yourself know how they can help sometimes. A big time. Whether to push back some nasty article in the press or to just help with the narrative you’re trying to sell.” Harry nods and Louis continues by staring at Harry’s neck. “I haven’t been in a real relationship for almost a year now.” Harry can feel there’s something he’s not saying but even what Louis did say, was a lot. He lets that one go.

“I get it. Thank you for telling me.” He pecks Louis on the cheek. “Your turn. What do you want to know?”

“All right. Let me think.”

Harry laughs, “please, not like the last time.”

“Hush, or I’ll ask something like that.” He smugly watches Harry abruptly close his mouth.

“What about, why did you decide to come out now? You’ve mentioned you’re trying to move on and start a new chapter and all that?” Louis didn’t want to make a huge deal out of this, but he remembers what Harry said and he has to know for sure where they stand. Harry brings one of his hands to his mouth and tries to stifle a yawn, unsuccessfully.

“Wow, there go my hopes and dreams for your answer to be a thoughtful one.”

“Come on, Lou, I’m tired.” He smiles and slightly lowers himself on the bed. With their clasped hands he makes sure Louis follows, ending with his head near Harry’s on the pillows. Then he unclasps their hands and turns to face Louis, with a hand under his face. Louis mirrors him with exasperated sigh only seconds later. “Yeah, make yourself at home, you do you.” Harry pecks Louis’ nose and that shuts him right up.

“Yes, I wanted to get over you. I am very happy I did. We’re here now thanks to that.” He nudges his free hand towards Louis until their pinkies touch. Harry wants to keep this moment in his mind forever. What is this feeling? It cannot be just love, people would get crazy and never get anything done if they were falling in love like this regularly.

“I really thought enough is enough. I don’t really need to come out, I don’t think. Most people who saw the last show surely know, and those who still don’t… I just don’t care anymore.” He takes a deep breath. “That’s a lie. I do care. I just don’t want to care.” He slowly interlaces their pinkies. “I don’t necessarily want to be more public about my personal life, I just thought I needed something big, a change. I wasn’t happy these last couple of years.”

“Oh, babe.”

Harry hides his face in the pillow. Pokes one eye open and points it at Louis. “I’m happy now. That we’re here.” The butterflies in his stomach must be in the middle of a very elaborate cancan rendition, he’s pretty sure.

Louis whispers, “I am so very happy too. Hazza.” Harry feels Louis’ hand leave his and move to his cheek, softly stroking the skin under his eye. Louis watches him for a moment and then says, “Let’s sleep, it’s been a long evening. Unless you have to hurry somewhere?” He bites his lip.

Harry smiles, “No, I have all the time in the world.” Once again, they stare at each other as if they were afraid to avert their eyes lest the other won’t be there anymore after they look away.

In the end, Louis is the first one to turn around and turns the room into darkness by the light switch near his bedside table. Then he shimmies out of his trousers, and slips under covers – at least that’s what can Harry make out of the sounds based on the fact that his eyes haven’t yet managed to accommodate to the dark. It seems like Louis is making himself comfortable. Then silence.

“Hazza? You alive?”

“What? Yeah, of course.”

“Then get out of your jeans and come here and cuddle. It’s been too long.”

“Cuddle? But what about the sex??”

He can hear the surprised chortle all right. And after a moment, “Harry, you almost fell asleep on me. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t want to be in the middle of _the sex_ just to realize you’re sleeping the first time we sleep together. Eh, sleep sleep. You know what I mean.”

“The first time we sleep together? As if you’re okay with me being asleep another time when we fuck?”

Silence. Almost creepy silence, Harry is pretty sure Louis is not breathing. And then, voice like it’s been deep buried deep into his pillow, “Jesus Christ, Harold. You are too much.”

Harry thinks he can deal with that for now. He strips to his briefs and slips under the covers. He would like to strip himself naked but somehow it would feel like he’s using the situation, when Louis told him frankly he just wants to cuddle. For now.

He feels movement from Louis’ side of the bed and carefully moves to it. Louis is on his side and with his arm turns Harry to him, ending with Louis on his back with Harry safely tucked under his neck.

“Is this okay?” he whispers softly, as if it could be _not_. The skin on skin contact is _burning_ Harry, he wants to melt into it. He presses the simplest of kisses into Louis’ collarbone and how can he answer?

“Yes.” He says. _Marry me_ , he thinks.

-

The sleep is almost upon him when he hears Louis’ quiet voice, “Harry? Are you asleep?”

“Mm? Yes?”

“Do you remember the name of the laughing video?”

Harry kicks him. Still clutches him and never lets go, but kicks hard.

**Author's Note:**

> the book Harry mentiones is D. Levithan's and J. Green's Will Grayson, Will Grayson. Highly recommended.


End file.
